what if

Rizkiansyah has been in town for couple of days now, and i'm more than happy. when he came to my house to say hi to my parents, the whole house went manic, even my maid. they are all very eager to meet rizkiansyah again. and when he met my mom, mom hugged him. can you believe that? it got me thinking...

3 years is not a very short period in someone's life. 3 years is the amount of time i've been spending with him. for 3 years we had our fights, our tears, and our happy times over and over again. there are moments when i just want to ended it all, i feel like ourrelationship is going nowhere, static, pathetic, bored. but then i remember again all of the happy times we've spent together. our feelings for each other didn't have to be described in words no more. we understand each other. he didn't have to say "i love you" every single night (wich he did) before we went to bed, because i already know. he's my huggly wuggly panda. he's my steady rock. i know.

mom seems so eager to planned out wedding. my brothers and sisters already gave their blessings. so what are we waiting for? well, pretty much everything. both of us hasn't graduate from college yet, hasn't had our income yet, hasn't ready for anything yet. i am 100% ready but i don't know if he did. and now the big question in my head is : which one he's not ready for? to be married or to be with me? does he still having doubts about me? does he still wondering wether if i'm the right girl for me or not? i cannot imagine if i'm wasting the last 3 years (and possibly the next couple of years) to a relationship that's going nowhere. i don't want to wait. i will wait if i know the result is worth it, but i don't want to wait with a dissappointing ending. does he ready? does he want me? what if he doesn't?